My Halloween Experience

Of late, I have noticed an increase in the number of paranormal shows that are aired on television. It’s the month of October and some channels have Halloween specials going on too. How many of you believe in the paranormal? I think most people watch it for entertainment and don’t believe in it. Some people are curious and want to know whether such entities really exist. Very few people believe in the paranormal as they may have had an experience of their own. These shows give people the courage to speak about their experience. Everything bottles down to whether you had a paranormal encounter or not. If you did, you probably are a believer, else you are a sceptic.

As a child, a long-time back, I saw something that I could not make sense of at that time. Back then, people always said that everything has a scientific explanation and the rest is either imagination or insanity. However, I dare to share my experience today.

I woke up one night and couldn’t get back to sleep. I walked up to the window and looked out into the yard. Right in front of me, within a close range, I saw the white silhouette of a young lady walking slowly up and down the yard. I started wondering who it was. My eyes followed down her profile and the figure just faded into thin air under the knees. Yet, she silently kept moving up and down the yard as if she were fulfilling some duty.

Suddenly it struck me that this thing is not a real person. At that point, she was right in front of the window. For the first time that night, she turned towards me. I felt as though she could hear my thoughts.

“Ghost!!!” screamed my mind. I ran into the other room as fast as my feet could carry me and stumbled into someone’s bed. I crawled under the blanket and hugged the person tight. The next morning, I realized I was in my aunt’s bed and she went around the whole house announcing this. I was thoroughly embarrassed by this, yet I was also puzzled about what I saw. Too scared to talk about it, I buried the incident in my mind.

That encounter changed me. I was scared of dark places and I never looked out of the window, in case I woke up at night. I never indulged in horror movies, horror stories and discussions about the paranormal. It was a long fight against my fears until I was able to stand my ground against them. Please do share any such experiences that you have had.
Happy Halloween!!!

Five Easy Things Anyone Can Do

We often use phrases like “that’s easy” or “that’s too hard for me”. Today I wanted to make a simple and funny list of things that I find easy or hard to do. However, I would like to point out that something is easy doesn’t mean that I do those things and hard to do doesn’t mean that I don’t try to engage in those activities. It’s just a fun list. 

1. When you are late, make excuses. Blame the traffic: I confess I am guilty of this crime. There were times when I used traffic as an excuse for being late. The fact that it never worked is a different story.
2. When you are angry, show your temper on inanimate things. Hmm! I would say that taking our anger out on objects is much less damaging than lashing out at people. Again, it’s a different story when I break my expensive phone or watch in anger.
3. If the problem is your own, then it’s genuine but if someone else is going through it, then it can’t be all that bad. I have been a victim of this kind of treatment quite often. Although I have to say one thing, when we are in that situation, our mind doesn’t work. All the wisdom we impart to others does not make sense in our difficult times.
4. When you complete a task successfully, turn around and tell everyone how organized, dedicated and determined you are. When things go wrong, it is always someone else at fault. This one is the funniest of all. I saw many people do this and I use it as a joke.
5. When you have sufficient time to complete a task, postpone the job for later. When you don’t have enough time to do it, burn the midnight oil and toil until daybreak to complete it. Gosh! I am totally guilty of this one. There is a distinctive sense of accomplishment when we complete a task in the last minute

Now that you went through ‘the easy things’ list, you might want to look at my list of 5 hardest things to do. These are things that are hard for me. Some of you might not find it all that difficult.

1. Stick to a new year’s resolution for long enough that it can yield any good results. It is so hard to do this, of late I haven’t been making any new year resolution.
2. Stay disciplined with diet and exercise. I have a serious problem with this. For this reason, my waistline expands and contracts from one extreme to the other like a rubber-band. 
3. Not get stressed out when being under pressure to meet a deadline or when given a task which is obviously beyond one’s capacity or control. This is 100% me. No matter how hard I try, I can’t keep myself away from stress.
4. Keeping away from sweet treats and desserts for a long time. Sweets are my weakness.
5.  Completing all the housework before going to bed. Ah! This last one is an eternal struggle for me. Every day I try but, I have something or the other spilling over into the next day. 

Tell me what do you think of my list or easy and hard things. Tell me what’s easy and what is hard for you. I would love to hear from you all. Have a great day all of you!

Make Adversity Your Best Friend

Whenever people find themselves in a sticky situation, the first thing that they generally experience is stress and the next is, to wish to get back to the status quo. Above all other emotions is the “Why me?” feeling and our brain starts looking for an easy escape. Adversity knocks on the door more frequently than good luck. This is a fact of life. If we can make adversity our friend, then every trouble has a tale to tell and every misfortune has prosperity hidden in it. Though it is not easy to untangle the web of misfortune, it is still worth the effort. The only exception is the sorrow of the death of a dear one.

Trials work like a litmus test and reveal our true well-wishers. During difficulties, we turn to our friends and family for help, while most of them try their best to help and stand by us, a few of them disappear from our sight. I like to call these people the fair-weather friends. Had it not been for the trials, we would never get the opportunity to identify them.

In times of difficulties, if we look within ourselves rather than blaming it on a jinx, we can surely come up with a solution. We just need to reexamine our skillset, bolster our determination and work on our problems. At times like this, we find out where we are lacking and thus, get a chance to improve our self accordingly. Adversity teaches us resilience. During the economic slowdown of the late 1990s, I lost my job. Instead of lamenting on it, I used this as an opportunity to improve my skills and when the market was ready to offer jobs, I was better prepared.

I have noticed that laziness and procrastination lead to unnecessary distress as a job done on time means, no worries. We can make bill payments as an example, any delay in payments lead to fines. Similarly, a lack of proper understanding of the task also creates hardships. We should never shy away from asking for assistance. Sometimes miscommunication is the cause of all our ordeals. We can try and solve this issue by explaining our intentions and requirements in a task. We can take language classes too if that is the problem. Give it whatever it takes to solve the problem because, in our quest to solve them, we end up improving ourselves. Every adversity scoops out the unrequired qualities within us and builds our character.

If we reminisce back to school days, while working out math problems for a given topic, some questions were very simple. If we practice only the simple questions and then we cannot handle even slightly complex problems on the same topic. We will be fretting and frowning about the sudden complexity. In the same way, twisted circumstances in life help in sharpening us. There would be no problems in life if, we learn our lessons at the first encounter itself, else we are bound to repeat our mistakes.

If we take a look at the people around us, we will find that some of them can manage their life really well. It seems as if God pre-programmed them before sending them into this world. They make you wonder, “Why can’t I manage things like them?”. Either they have excellent managerial skills or they have a great sense of style or they perennially have a smiling face. It is not that they are born that way but, they take every adversity and turn it into an advantage.

I can tell you from experience that following this advice is tougher than preaching it. The hardest part is to set aside the ego, drop all excuses and accept the truth. Believe in yourself that you can make a difference and welcome every adversity as a friend that has come to improve you. Like a jigsaw puzzle, put all the pieces together to get the complete picture. Twist and turn the problem till you shape it into a solution and pull each thread out patiently until the mess is untangled. All the best In your effort, if you succeed, you will be the best form of yourself.

Be Mindful of Your Words While Expressing Yourself

Words are the most powerful tools that we use to express opinions, intentions, ideas, plans etc. Understandably, our words can make our life easy and smooth sailing or they can invite trouble and unwanted risks. Many times, though we speak the truth, if we are not careful of our tone or choice of words, our message is not conveyed correctly. This can potentially wreck a relationship, business deal or lifelong friendship.

When we let our anger, envy or pride colour our tone of speaking, we could end up conveying a very different message. There are few situations when our emotions are justified, however, they get communicated in a more sinister way because of the words we use. We often describe it as righteous anger and intend to point out the evil intentions behind an innocuous deed. However, our emotions and inner turmoil can distort our speech and make us appear jealous and resentful.

There are many examples of such mishaps in our daily life. I had recently encountered a conflict that was blown out of proportions because of this reason. It was a lesson I wanted to remember and hence, I have written this blog. I hope to bring this to the attention of my readers.

Make Fear a Positive Driving Force

In all the heroic tales from our childhood a great king, warrior or knight is depicted as someone fearless. Since he is fearless, he is deduced to be brave and courageous. We are always taught to be fearless to become great. It is true to some extent as fear cripples us and makes us behave foolishly. We tend to lose all common sense and rationale in the face of fear. But, it is not true always. Fear can be a positive driver that will push us toward success.

While it is true that we all want to achieve greatness in our life, we do not have to be fearless to be exceptional. Lacking fear can make us reckless and take needless risks. I believe greatness requires Courage. Courage means to face our fears and overcome them. So, we should all aim to use our fears and overcome them to reach greater heights in success.

Fear represents all the things that we want to avoid in life. So, where fear makes us want to run away, it could also make us want to fight to avoid being in that situation. The best example could be; the fear of detention makes students behave in class; injections made me eat beans and peas when I was young; failure pushes us to work harder; disease and death encourage us to medical inventions and discoveries.

So when we teach children about virtue, stop making them believe in the need to be fearless. Instead, teach them to face their fears and fight it. There are many ways to overcome our fears. We can face it with logic, reasoning, training, discipline, hard work etc. All the qualities that I have listed here are needed to be a successful person. Confronting our fears and making it our motivator will pave the path to greatness.

After reading this blog post, you might think that I have trivialized the crippling effect that fear creates. The intention was to point out that we can use this fear as a motivator, rather than seeing it as a crippling factor. Facing our fear will show us what we are made of.

Don’t Let Self-Pity Become A Hurdle To Your Growth

There is a well-known and universally accepted saying, “Failures are the stepping stones to success.” As the saying goes, we should treat every setback as a learning opportunity. We must try not to repeat our mistakes, anticipate hurdles at every step and plan measures to overcome them. This is what we are taught in every business school, every seminar on achieving success etc. Many of us live by these rules too. But, after every failure and before the next attempt to succeed, there is a phase of self-pity. All of us encounter this phase. Wise people and pragmatic leaders ignore this sentiment; they push it aside and rise above it. The rest of us falter at this step. We hang onto self-pity though we succeed in our next attempt. This is what separates the leaders from the regular people.

To understand how to rise above self-pity, we have to understand how it works. Self-pity means to pity one’s troubles and life situations. Every time we encounter any difficulty, it is natural for us to feel bad for ourselves. We usually curse our fate as to why all bad things happen to us. But eventually, we all realize where we went wrong in our attempts and rectify our mistakes. We try again by executing a better plan etc. Eventually, we let go of the failure and get busy with our next moves. The problem starts when we do not let go of the past and keep recalling all our ordeals at every step of the way. We forget to enjoy the present and get stuck in the past. Despite recovering all losses from the failure, we refuse to let the memories and the pain fade away. This is when the situation becomes dangerous. It does not matter how successful we get or how comfortable our life becomes, we continue to complain about all the pain and humiliation over and over again. Slowly but surely, we get stuck in a vortex of negativity which starts to influence our quality of life and performance.

Initially, the feeling might seem natural and harmless. However, the more you indulge in it the sadder you get. All the old hurdles will appear higher than they were; the chains will feel stronger than they were. We might defend self-pity as nostalgia or simply remembering where we came from. That is not true in all cases.

Another danger of self-pity is the diminishing worth of struggles. Where our struggles were praised initially, upon constant reminding, people get bored with the same story. They start undermining the worth and start ridiculing the efforts. We run the risk of mocking our story. Self-pity soon becomes tiresome for those around us. The constant reminder becomes a shadow on all future attempts to succeed.

The best defence against falling into the trap of self-pity is to avoid it at all costs. We must accept all challenges as a natural outcome of the process, rather than as a conspiracy of fate. It is essential to accept the fact that everyone faces similar situations at some point in their life and that our troubles are not extraordinary.

Motivation Determines Our Quality Of Life

We are all aware of the importance of motivation in achieving success. Every story of triumph over hardships is backed by a strong motivating force. We all agree that the right amount of motivation can push any person towards greatness. It can make us do, both good and bad deeds. The emotion that drives motivation determines the outcome, be for good or bad.

We have established the fact that a strong motivation can make us do, both positive achievements and negative atrocities. What got me thinking is, what if there is no motivation at all? Is there are a possibility of living without motivation? What would be the quality of life if we lacked motivation?

Even during the most depressing of days, I would still wake up and think to my self, what does today hold for me? Is it going to be the same old or worse? I was motivated to get out of bed to see what the day holds. Though I did not like what was happening, my curiosity to see the end of it, motivated me forward. Though I hated my job, the salary motivated me to go to work. Same way, hunger motivated me to eat, cool breeze motivated me to get out of my room, the greenery motivated me to take walks.

I see many people from different walks of life, who say that they have lost all will to live. Experiencing a loss can make us question the purpose of living. Failure to achieve a goal can make us resentful. We only need to rethink and calibrate the direction and goals of our lives. We can always draw inspiration from others. Many sportspersons, life coaches, successful people, scientists etc lead exemplary lives that give inspiration and motivation to fight back. Exercise, supportive friends and peers, therapy, positive environment etc will help you adjust your compass to point correctly towards success.

We may not be able to go around motivating everyone, but we can keep our motivation alive. Be thankful for all the little things and celebrate them. This will keep us fighting to get better. This way, we can hopefully inspire the people around us and indirectly give them motivation.

Maintaining Our Cool In A Volatile Situation

Two people were having a very loud argument in the park. We could understand that they were two friends who were disagreeing on the meaning of an action. One guy felt that it was an innocent mistake that was misconstrued. The other guy saw something more sinister behind the act. Soon, the argument came to blows. Initially, it was just two people fighting. All the others were trying to mitigate the situation or just standing and watching the fight. But now, the silent bystanders also joined the fight and the mitigators started to take sides. This whole matter was getting too noisy. Luckily, someone in the crowd shouted that the cops were coming and immediately, most of them scattered. The few that remained were waiting for the two friends to decide whose house to crash at.

I observed this incident and noticed something interesting. The whole fracas started with a simple difference of viewpoints between friends. Many people tried to subdue the matter peacefully, but they soon got dragged into the fight too. The bystanders just came to watch the fun and have a few laughs. But soon, they started to add their views and fanned the flames. The few sane people in that group tried to maintain peace but got pushed around. Sadly in this confusion, everyone had a momentary lapse of wisdom. It took a simple scare to break the crowd and remove all the unnecessary distractions to resolve the matter.

Here, I have given a very simple example of all conflicts. They start with a small disagreement and the people around, though well-intentioned, inadvertently become part of the problem. It is easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and make snap judgments. It requires a controlled mind to rise above the chaos and bring order.

Since this incident, I tried to recollect all the arguments that I’ve witnessed. I wanted to understand if I could maintain my calm in conflict. I discerned that I had failed on several occasions and the best I’ve managed to do, is keep my mouth shut in cases of arguments. That was helpful to a certain extent, but that’s not a solution. Have you had better luck than me? Were you able to diffuse a volatile situation or managed to keep your presence of mind in a fight? Share your thoughts with me.

Walking Is The Best Meditation

I consider walking as the best ways of meditation that we all can follow. It is not just a means to get to a destination. It is not just a workout for the body, but it is an exercise for the soul as well. We have all heard of people, who do their best thinking when they go out on walks. We have also heard of taking a walk to cool one’s mind. Some people practise walking as a hobby. However, to me walking is nothing but meditation.

When my mind is in turmoil, or when I am unable to hold a single thought for long, I take a walk to clear up my mind. There is something therapeutic about walking along a path all by yourself, preferably in nature. With no noise or other opinions clouding my mind, I find it easier to breathe and sort through the jumble in my mind easily.

In today’s world, concrete jungles are everywhere and finding a shady tree to sit under is a rarity. Walking among buildings doesn’t have the same impact as nature, but I will have to adjust until I can find a good park or walking trail near my home. I just pick a quiet lane that is lined with tree and pretend that I am walking in a park.

Some of the best places for a relaxing walk are the beach or along the river. There is a very relaxing effect that is generated by the sound of flowing water. The sound of gushing washing, tinkling sounds of a waterfall, the sound of waves, etc always sets the mind at ease. At times when I am particularly troubled, I play the sounds of water on Youtube. I am instantly taken back to that peaceful memories.

How Do We Decide Who Is Right??

In the last few weeks, we have seen many controversial and disturbing events that took place around the world. Mass shootings in the USA, protest against the regime in Hong Kong, reorganization bill in J&K (India), Ebola crisis in Congo, increased tensions in Iran, terror threats in Afghanistan, etc. We hear many such unfortunate and troubling news items daily. It makes us wonder about the dilemma of humankind. In many cases, it also instigates unrest in other parts of the world. People try to show their solidarity and support to the victims by taking out protest rallies and marches elsewhere. Some even resort to violence in the name of standing up for the oppressed.

All this might seem like a positive move to unite the world as one. Whether I show solidarity toward the army for quashing an attempt to revolt or march with the citizens of Hong Kong against police brutality, or dispute human rights violations by China, there is an equal number of people who support the opposite side. Herein lies my question. How do we decide who is right and who is wrong? What is propaganda and what is the fact? How do we identify the difficult truth, when it is surrounded by misinformation?

It is always easier to believe the words of deceit than to examine and find the truth for yourself. Since we cannot be everywhere and watch reality with our own eyes, we rely on news and social media to know the truth. When these people deceive us with smokescreens and play with our sensibilities, it is time to stop and make the effort to seek out the truth ourself. When you see two opposing viewpoints, try to find the truth behind the words of each party. Don’t fall for the sweet and soothing words of anyone who promises an easy way out. Believe in the words of those who show reality, however painful it is. The ones who appear to be victims may not always be the wronged party. The aggressors may not always be oppressors. Sometimes, they are just balancing mistakes long due.

I am not interested in telling people what is right and what is wrong. We must come to that conclusion on our own after digging for the truth. Social media, WhatsApp forwards, celebrity endorsements and speeches should not blind us from fact checking. Just because our favourite icons support a cause or make a statement, it need not be the factually correct. The media can be easily manipulated to promote a certain agenda or viewpoint. I can only urge people to think on their own and not become the mouthpiece fearmongers and xenophobes.

Rainy days are gloomy days

For the longest time, I never understood why people called rainy days gloomy. People generally love rain, so I figured it should be a paradise when it was raining all day. After the rain, the air feels cleaner, everything looks bright, the birds are singing their hearts out and the weather is more cheerful.

The above statement would contradict the title of my post. So, let me tell you how I realised that rainy days are gloomy.

If it rains once or twice and then the sky clears up, it would be a fun kind of weather. It sets up a holiday mood and everyone wants to go for picnics or at least a long drive on a winding road. The trouble is when the rains continue for days on end.

I’m not even speaking about the water logging or flooding in rivers. The damage to property or infrastructure is a different issue. I am complaining more about the big puddles that splash water on us, wet and sticky seats in buses and trains, the fungus and flies that gather on food that is left outside, slippery surfaces, etc. Footwear getting stuck in the mud, dirty water stains on clothes etc are just a few embarrassing instances. The list is endless. Everywhere one goes, you can smell wet and moist clothes. The absence of the sun makes everything look dull. The moisture makes the air heavy.

With so many complaints, it is only obvious that our day will be gloomy. So, what is there to love in monsoon season? Sitting comfortably, wrapped up in a warm and cosy blanket with a hot mug of coffee sounds enticing. Staying dry and clean at home while watching the rain from the windows also sounds good. Another famous Indian pastime during the monsoon is hot and fried snacks, preferably savoury. Let me know if you have better ideas.

Is There Anything Like Too Much Self-help?

For those of you who read my articles regularly and follow me, you would know that I am a believer of self-help and self-improvement. I strongly believe that every one of us has the potential to be better and greater. We just need to recognize the hidden potential and constantly improve our self for a better tomorrow. For me to find a friend who shares a similar attitude was a blessing. I felt that the universe was giving me a sign. It turned out to be that the universe was actually, teaching me a lesson.

I am a staunch believer in self-awareness and self-improvement. Any problem or issue that we face can be handled or eliminated without outside meddling. I believe this is the best way to handle them. At my workplace, I found a friend who thinks in the same way as I do and believes in the same things. I felt like I found my sister from another mister. We shared information and knowledge we gathered on self-help. We researched all the programs that were being conducted in our city and attended a few. She would often come up to me and tell me about some new teacher or self-help guru. She was always finding someone new and better, who ‘made it so much easier to learn’.

Too many cooks spoil the brotth

Initially, I tried to keep up with her and followed every new guru that she found. However, as I adapted myself to the teachings of one, she would come up with a new guy who, apparently is the best person out there. Soon, I started to recognize a pattern, my friends would start following a teacher and praise them sky high in the beginning, but once they got down to handling the issues at the core, or when they asked her to face her fears, my friend ditched that teacher. She would look for someone new. She would make an excuse that the old teacher didn’t understand the situation and that the new teacher had a better way of handling things.

Through all this, I noticed that she was not achieving anything. She was not solving her issues, or facing the real problem. Since I was riding along with her, I ended up confused and disoriented myself. I couldn’t follow the teachings of one teacher and my mind was a mixture of so many different thought processes. I realized that I had put my hand on too many things and lost focus on the actual goal of self-improvement.

So, what have I learned from this experience? Self-improvement is a solo project. It is not a team effort. Take your time to pick the right teacher, but once you find someone you like, stick with them to the end. Do not try to jump ship halfway through the journey.